moraled | week five, saturday

[at least noct knows already how much it hurts. he's more than aware of that, which is why he's here right now.

and it's why he's saying these words.

in truth, noct does need to hear a bit of it for himself; he needs that reminder as well—though it's getting easier to listen to duty now. the stakes have gotten so high that he knows he really can't shirk even the smallest bit of his duty now.]

You... really don't have to thank me for this.

[because...]

I think I needed to hear it too.

... That you, too, needed the reminder does not lessen the fact that I owe you gratitude for it.

[Just accept it, Noct, Barnham's proper about these things.

As proper as can be.

Still... even if the atmosphere is still oppressive and he's still overwhelmed, he feels a little bit like it'll be okay.

They'll be okay. At least...they have a goal.]

... We shall be fine. [Both of them.

They'll carry on.]

Of this... I am certain.

[it's definitely too proper for his liking right now, but he knows there's really no stopping barnham anyway.

maybe he should just let the tension drain from his shoulders a bit and just...

well, slump.

he's exhausted in every single way, and while he has things he wants to tell barnham, now isn't the time for that. another day, assuming they have it—in the coming week, once they've had time to pick themselves up and move forward.]

Yeah.

[they have a goal, and noct already has some ideas and things he's interested in pursuing soon enough.]

This game... we'll find the way to end it.

[It's a start.

It's a good start, because right now, Barnham is equally exhausted. His faith in what's right has been shaken pretty badly over the past few weeks; even Russell, it turns out, killed someone.

So for now, he breathes out slowly, and he nods in response to Noct's words and he takes another bite of his weird, foreign soup, and he tries to remember how to breathe.

Constantine's going to jump up and curl up next to Noct, because he's a dog and pretty smart--he's been affected by the atmosphere too.

But as for Barnham... he just takes a moment to breathe.]

... This is still a town of good people. Nothing...that has happened can change that fact.

It simply has been...set up to break us, all along. And thus--I shall not allow it to change how I feel about those who are here.

[...]

Or those who are gone.

[noct is definitely okay with his canine company, taking time to pet constantine while he and barnham keep discussing this situation.]

That's... probably why it was like this at all, wasn't it? The people here, being good people, people who don't want to do that.

[not that he's inclined to believe everyone is wholly altruistic. they'd heard about people like simon, and the fact there were independent killers doing things outside of what the game required was telling enough of that.

but noctis does believe that the majority were good, and cornered into doing the worst. and he believes the majority of the people remain are just the same.

it's unfair, so barnham has a point in not letting it cloud their view entirely.]

Kind of feels like some sick irony or something.

Yes, I believe that is the case.

[As much as it sucks--he believes that they were chosen because it would make for greater "entertainment". He knows full well that they're better because they break...

But he hates to acknowledge it.

Acknowledging it would be accepting this little game, and he can't do that.]

... The realization does not help us much, I will admit. Even so, we must still deal with the crimes that have been committed.

But...perhaps there is room for compassion, amidst the honor we carry ourselves with.

[They may be murderers, but... everyone has been put into a corner, haven't they? Barnham grimaces--this sort of grey thinking is hard for him.]

None of it is just, right? We have to... just figure out for ourselves how we can do this. To.... figure out what's really right and wrong here.

[that grey sense of morality is tough for noctis, too. he's a good person, a person who doesn't want to see people die.

but if someone is having the safety of their entire world threatened, hinging on whether or not they pull the trigger on someone else, where does that fall? it's still wrong to kill that person, but if it's also saving millions of lives...

is it okay to take someone else's?

if they go on the belief that they'll find a way to reverse this, will that make it better?

they're questions that noctis doesn't have the answers to either, so it's not as if he can fault barnham for feeling just the same.]

I guess... it's kind of a good exercise is knowing things aren't always as black and white as they seem.

[that's kind of the lesson he's taking away from this, because even back home, weren't there people who'd do the same? of course there were.]

[It's definitely far from an easy thing to understand. Barnham knows. He's been wrestling with all of this from day one, and now...

Well, now what is he supposed to do with this? Noctis is struggling with it, but Barnham has no answers, much as he wish he could give him something that would make him feel better.

He sighs.]

That is...certainly one way to look at it.

[Wryly:]

Though I think the point could have been proven in a much simpler and less bloody way.

For us, maybe.

[for them it would be like that. for most people, in general...

that's how it would be. and noctis knows that. he knows barnham does too, but he shakes his head.]

Wouldn't work for them, though. The ones running this.

No, I suppose it would not. Or we would not be here.

[It's exhausting... knowing that people are watching them at their worst and getting their kicks from it. Barnham almost can't comprehend it.]

... But we are. We are here... so all there is is to make what we can of the situation that has been given to us.

Right. We just need to... keep looking for a way. We can't give up now, too much has happened.

[that part, he's certain of. no matter how much it hurts, they can't give up on finding the solution to this problem.

even if the odds are stacked against them completely—noctis can't give up, and he's not going to let barnham give up, either.]

[... It's true. They can't give up now. It would be disrespectful to the memories of those who are already dead, killed in the line of this wretched game.

He breathes in.

And out.

And nods, simply.]

Yes.

We must. No matter what, we must not stop moving forward. That... is something I do truly believe in.

Yeah, me too.

[isn't that exactly why he's here to begin with? because he wanted to check on barnham, and he wanted to affirm that much for them both.

that they can't give up, that they can't wallow in their misery.

but there's not much more to be said about that—still, there's one more thing noctis needs to ask.]

...You mind if I stick around here tonight?

[He hesitates--but it's only for a moment. In truth, he is beginning to believe that he shouldn't be sharing a room with anyone; it's clear that it doesn't offer him any more chance to protect them.

But.

He can't deny Noct. He's flat out asking if he can stay, and Barnham knows that he's hurting over Sara's confession and soon to come death as well. With that in mind, what can he do but nod?

So nod he does, accepting.]

You are more than welcome, Young Noctis.

[And he has to admit:]

Perhaps it would be for the better to not be alone.

For tonight, yeah. Think... it would definitely be better.

[he's hurting, but barnham is well likely hurting more. being alone after losing two roommates and... well, whatever sara was to him—

(he's not going to ask for the details of their kissing adventures)

barnham shouldn't be alone.]

Don't really feel like going back to my own room anyway. [he's dealt with ash enough already for one day.]

... Quite understandable.

[ASH........

Barnham is blissfully ignorant to the fact that noct even knows about those kissing adventures.]

You are always welcome here, though I cannot assure you I shall always be better company.

[noct plans on keeping it that way... he kind of wishes he hadn't been privy to that information if only for sara's choice in wording.

but, you know. it's fine...]

I know the bar's low when Ash is my roommate, but come on. [pretty much anything is better than that.

...but hey, at least noct still retains at least a little of his humor, right?]

[That sass is honestly good to see.

At least Noct hasn't lost that in the horribleness of this town.]

Well, I certainly could not presume to speak on it. He seems to avoid me most of the time.

[Aside from, you know, when he's accusing him of murder??]

It's fine—I can speak on it enough for the both of us, believe me.

[he's an asshole, even if noct doesn't hate him nearly as much as he probably should.]

[He snorts softly at that, shaking his head.]

Your patience by him does you credit, if nothing else. Being able to acknowledge and attempt to understand those different from you is...not always easy.

[Especially when it's

Ash

Yeah]

That's... kinda my job though, isn't it?

[he knows he's not great at it, but empathizing with others is the duty of a king, regardless of whether or not he's dealing with his own people.

and even if those people are angry gay robots.]

[... Well.]

While I have no intentions of denying that, I rather imagine that someone such as him is very much a unique case.

[He just sounds amused though. Ash might have a hateboner for him but Barnham thinks he's harmless and fussy.]

[noct knows ash isn't totally harmless, but he also knows that his motivations in this town are driven by his own means and he's no nearly as focused on killing The Hoomans!! or whatever here.]

Can't argue that. He's... somethin', that's for sure.

...Well, regardless, for now I do not believe he is an issue we must concern ourselves with, but keep an eye on him regardless. Should he suddenly decide that his own goals could be reached by certain means, then...

[robot murders?? robot murders.

But for now--]

There is no need to concern yourself with that tonight either way.

I know. I'm careful around him already—I don't think he'll do anything to me unless he really has to.

[but noct will be on his guard anyway, regardless.]

I don't think he hates me as much as he claims, anyway.

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